Free Funny Jokes And Pictures » Zoo Jokes

Tired Of Media Coverage

Free Jokes — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 17:44:52 +0000

You must have heard these words from lot many celebrities. If you try to click their pictures, they probably will ask you to “Hold It”.

(I really meant the camera n the clicking process here)

There might be two reasons for that halt.

Either the celebrity needs to put up some final touches on their makeup and asking for few second halt.
Or they really are pissed off from so much media coverage.

This fella in the image has one of these intentions as well. Honestly, it looks drunk to me. But it’s you who got to decide. I found this pic really funny!

Hold It Please

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Ape Apprehender’s Job Is Not Easy

Free Jokes — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 06:49:47 +0000

An enterprising mayor of the city of Granby, Quebec, a community south of Montreal, established a municipal zoo that has become a significant tourist attraction. It has also given rise to many unusual events. Last September one of the star attractions, Arnold, an Indonesian ape, escaped to the dismay of the zoo director. The matter was a serious one because the members of the staff of the zoo, while expert at caring for animals, had no experience whatsoever in rounding them up or capturing them. The zoo director appealed to the office of the mayor for help and the secretary to the mayor asked, “Have you looked in the yellow pages”? The director said he hadn’t, but would, immediately. To his surprise, under “animal capturing service” he found a listing for the Acme Ape Apprehenders. He called them immediately. Within 20 minutes, a panel truck arrived at the admin office of the zoo and a small man emerged and rushed to the director who was waiting at the door. “Is there a wooded area in the vicinity?”, the little man asked. The director said there was, within one half mile from the zoo. “Hop in the truck”, the little man said. The director did and they drove off. Minutes later they arrived at a small grove and immediately spotted Arnold on a branch about 25 feet above the ground. The two men got out, went to the back of the truck and the little man opened the door. An excited little dog jumped out and began running around in circles. The little man reached into the truck and took out a suitcase, which he opened. In the suitcase were a pair of handcuffs, which he handed to the zoo director, a sawed off shotgun, which he leaned against the trunk of the tree, and a baseball bat. “Now,” the little man said, “I’m going up into the tree with the baseball bat, and I’m going to knoc k the ape out of the tree. The instant the ape hits the ground the dog, well trained, will bite the ape by the crotch and chomp-down with his jaws. The ape will, instantly and instinctively, grab at his crotch with both hands due to the pain, and you snap the handcuffs on and we’ve got him. The zoo director, pointing to the shotgun leaning against the tree, said “I’m not too sure about this — what’s the gun for?” The little man said, “Look, I’m an expert. I know what I’m doing and things will go just fine, after all, I have the baseball bat. I know my job and it’ll never happen but if the ape should, by any chance, knock ME out of the tree, SHOOT THE DOG!!!”

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Hippopotamus Naming

Free Jokes — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 06:46:01 +0000

Zoo visitor: What’s the new baby hippo’s name? Hippopotamus keeper: I don’t know, he won’t tell me. No related posts. No related posts.

Where Are The Reindeers

Free Jokes — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 06:45:33 +0000

You don’t see many reindeer in zoos, do you? No. They can’t afford the admission. No related posts. No related posts.

The Case Of A Missing Elephant

Free Jokes — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 06:44:42 +0000

Zoo Keeper:”I’ve lost one of my elephants” Other Zoo Keeper:”Why don’t you put an advert in the paper?” Zoo Keeper:”Don’t be silly, he can’t read!” No related posts. No related posts.

Elephant’s Sunglasses

Free Jokes — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 06:44:13 +0000

What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four elephants walking over the hill towards him wearing sunglasses? Nothing, he didn’t recognize them! No related posts. No related posts.

Little Jordan’s Zoo Trip

Free Jokes — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 06:43:49 +0000

Little Jordan wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents, Al and Elaine, for days. Finally Elaine talked Jordan’s reluctant father into taking him. And so Jordan and Al got into the car and left. “So how was it?” Elaine asked when they returned home. “Great,” Little Jordan replied. “Did you and your father have a good time?” asked Elaine. “Yeah, Daddy especially liked it,” exclaimed Jordan, excitedly, “especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!”

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Northern Zoo Vs. Southern Zoo

Free Jokes — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 06:42:51 +0000

What’s the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo? In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal and the Latin name underneath. In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal and a recipe underneath. No related posts. No related posts.

One On One Encounter With Gorilla

Free Jokes — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 06:42:17 +0000

FRED: Did I ever tell you about the time I came face to face with a very fierce gorilla? BERT: No, what happened? FRED: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The gorilla looked at me and snarled and roared and beat his chest. Then it came closer and closer . . . BERT: What did you do? FRED: Oh, I’d had enough, so I moved on to the next cage.

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No Contract For Apes

Free Jokes — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 06:41:30 +0000

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film? Stop playing it cagey! No related posts. No related posts.