Free Funny Jokes And Pictures

Two Morons rent a rowboat, row out a way, throw their lines in and try fishing. Nothing happens. One fellow says to the other, we have to row out away from shore into deep water. They row and row offshore about one mile out, try fishing again. Same thing nothing. The same fellow says we [...]

A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettable, is dead.  The [...]

A guy is caught by a ranger eating a bald eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:
Judge: “Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?” Man: “Yes I did. But if you let me argue [...]

Why are sheep always in a field? Because they can’t get out !
Who gives my cat his Christmas presents? Santa Paws!
Who gives my other cat his Christmas presents? Santa Claws!
What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around while i go ahead!
Whats the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs!
What did [...]

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, “Let’s both swim under the ship and blow out of our air [...]

A grasshopper walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me a drink.”
The bartender can’t believe his eyes and says, “Oh my Gosh, I can’t believe this, you’re a talking grasshopper!”
“Do you know we have drink named after you?”
The Grasshopper replies, “You have a drink named Steve?”

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, “I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can [...]