JokesZilla : Jokes, Jokes And More Jokez

A guy is caught by a ranger eating a bald eagle and is consequently put in jail for the crime. On the day of his trial, the conversation went something like this:

Judge: “Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a federal offense?” Man: “Yes I did. But if you let me argue my case, I’ll explain what happened.”

Judge: “Proceed.” Man: “I got lost in the woods. I hadn’t had anything to eat for two weeks. I was so hungry. Next thing I see is a Bald Eagle swooping down at the lake for some fish.

I knew that if I followed the Eagle I could maybe steal the fish. Unfortunately, in the process of taking the fish I killed the Eagle. I figured that since I killed the Eagle I might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful to let it rot on the ground.”

Judge: “The court will take a recess while we analyze your testimony.”

15 minutes goes by and the judge returns.

Judge: “Due to the extreme circumstance you were under and because you didn’t intend to kill the Eagle, the court will dismiss the charges. But if you don’t mind the court asking, what does a Bald Eagle taste like?”

Man: “Well your honor, it is hard to explain. The best I can describe it is maybe a combination between a California Condor and a Spotted Owl.”

Why are sheep always in a field? Because they can’t get out !

Who gives my cat his Christmas presents? Santa Paws!

Who gives my other cat his Christmas presents? Santa Claws!

What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around while i go ahead!

Whats the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs!

What did mary say to santa during the storm? Look at that rain, dear!

Where do plumbers buy there presents? Bath!

Why is it best to park your car near the moon? Because there is a lot of space!

What is the use of reindeer? It makes the garden grow sweetie!

How many legs does rudolph have? Four? No, six. - he’s got forelegs and two back legs!

What game do six reindeer play in the back of a mini? Squash!

Why did the reindeer take his nose apart? To see what made it run!

What do you call a reindeer that has a number on its tail? Reg!

Did you hear the story of the 3 reindeer? No. Oh deer, Oh deer, Oh deer

Why do reindeers have wrinkled ankles? Because they lace there boot too tight!

What did santa give the death fisherman for christmas? A herring aid!

Whats the worst thing to get for christmas? Measles!

Where is the best place to buy your dog a christmas present? Leeds!

Where does noddy do his christmas shopping? Redcar!

Where does the queen do her christmas shopping? Newcastle!

What happens if you get too hot at a football match? Sit a bit closer to one of the fans.

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, “Let’s both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink.” They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female “lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore.”

At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. “Look,” she said, “I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!”

A grasshopper walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me a drink.”

The bartender can’t believe his eyes and says, “Oh my Gosh, I can’t believe this, you’re a talking grasshopper!”

“Do you know we have drink named after you?”

The Grasshopper replies, “You have a drink named Steve?”

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, “I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so.”

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, “I don’t think so.”