Blonde Gets A Wish…

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it.
A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.

The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home.
The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family.
The blonde said, “Awwww, I wish my friends were here.”

Ticket To NBA Finals

It’s game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty.

He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, “No, the seat’s empty.”

The first man exclaims, “What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?”

The neighbor responds, “Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven’t been together.”

The first man responds,” I’m sorry to hear that. Wasn’t there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could’ve taken that seat?”

The neighbor responds, “No, they’re all at the funeral.”

Religious Squirrels

Squirrels had overrun three churches in the city. After much prayer, the elders of the first church determined that the animals were destined by God to be there. Who were they to interfere with God’s will? They reasoned. Soon, the squirrels multiplied.

The elders of the second church, deciding they could not harm any of God’s creatures, humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.

It was only the third church that succeeded in keeping the pests away. The elders baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Paint Job By A Blonde

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”

The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”

The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “And I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

What Goes 0 To 200 In 6 Seconds?

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. And obviously his wife was really pissed.

She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!” she insisted.

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday. icon smile What Goes 0 To 200 In 6 Seconds?

Circumcision

Two five year old boys are sitting in a hospital waiting room. One leans over to the other and says, “What are you in here for?”

The other says, “Circumcision.”

The first boy says “Oh, man! I had that done right after I was born. I couldn’t walk for a year!”